Psychological Insights from Psychologists
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Dakari QuimbyClinical Advisor · New Jersey Behavioral Health CenterWhen clients get overly harsh feedback at work, they often panic or spiral into shame. This is because the criticism has caused their "Threat System" (driven by the amygdala) to hijack their brain, completely shutting down their ability to think clearly. To help clients move out of this acute emotional state, I incorporate a specific technique called "Soothing Rhythm Breathing" alongside a visualization called "Compassionate Color."
With Soothing Rhythm Breathing, clients slow their breath to a count of five seconds for each inhale and exhale. This specific pace activates the vagus nerve, signaling to the body that it is safe to leave fight-or-flight mode.
I then ask them to visualize a warm, golden light filling the center of their chest as they slowly exhale. This image creates a buffer between the client and the harsh words they just heard. I explain that this light represents their innate wisdom—the part of them that is invulnerable to criticism. After just a short period of practice, I find that clients can shift out of their Threat System (fear and shame) and into their "Soothe System" (safety and calm). Once settled, their "Drive System" comes online, allowing them to finally see the feedback as an opportunity for growth rather than a personal failure.
Picture a kind, wise mentor taking a calm seat across from you. Notice a gentle face, steady eyes, and a warm tone that slows the breath. Hear this mentor say that mistakes are part of learning and do not define worth. Let the mentor point out one strength shown even in the tough moment, and one small next step.
Feel the body soften as the message of care lands. Sit with this companion image for a few minutes and ask for one sentence of guidance to carry through the day. Close your eyes and invite this mentor now.
Set the feedback on a neutral screen a few steps away in the mind. Turn the volume down and switch the color to gray so heat fades from the words. Read it like a lab note, looking for facts, not insults. Circle the helpful points and let the rest blur at the edges.
Notice that there is space between the watcher and the screen, which means there is choice. Decide on one small step and schedule when to do it. Picture the screen now and practice this calm review.
Create an inner room that feels safe and warm. See soft light, solid walls, and a door that closes with a quiet click. Place a helpful object inside, like a blanket or a cup of tea, to signal care and rest. Meet a gentle guardian at the doorway who keeps shame outside while wisdom is welcomed in.
When the body has settled, bring the feedback in softly, as if reading it in a calm voice. Ask what part is useful and what can be released for now. Enter this sanctuary and take three slow breaths today.
Imagine a tall mountain with deep roots in the earth. Storm clouds gather, winds howl, and rain falls hard, yet the mountain stays steady. Let the storm stand for the sting of feedback and the wave of shame. Watch the clouds move across the sky until they thin and pass.
Sense the weight of rock in the belly and the cool air on the skin. From this grounded place, choose one clear action when the weather has cleared. Breathe into that steady base and try this image now.
Picture a circle of supportive peers gathered in a bright room. They clap for effort, not perfection, and their faces show respect. One voice names a strength that showed up, while another notes a lesson learned. The group reminds that skills grow with practice and feedback is fuel.
Warmth in the chest rises as shame loses grip. With that encouragement, pick one simple action to try next. Step into this circle in your mind and accept their applause today.
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