Filed under 6 contributors
Kristy CenterClinical Psychologist · ReCentered HealingI was confused. While I longed for deep interpersonal connection, I also felt subtle discomfort when people would get close to me that I couldn't understand. Sometimes, I acted intensely in ways that pushed loved ones away; I might shut down entirely and feel the need to flee; or erupt in frustration. After years of repeating these patterns, I finally sought guidance from a psychologist who specialized in mindfulness-based somatic therapy.
I recalled gaining many insights from a somatic therapist in college, specifically how studying my internal reactions and resistance and using bodily experiments to challenge my "rules" about life helped me. Therefore, I knew that relationship healing wouldn't just happen in my mind--it needed to include my body as well. As we built my somatic awareness, I learned to recognize physical sensations as messengers of emotional states. I learned to understand how anxiety manifested as tightness in my chest before arguments, and how resentment created a heaviness in my shoulders that I'd carry for days.
Through mindfulness practice, I developed the ability to stop and observe bodily sensations without immediately reacting to them. My psychologist taught me to create a gentle space between stimulus and response. In this gap, I can choose my actions rather than being driven by unconscious patterns. We then used my bodily reactions to further uncover these patterns so I could begin to challenge them in the sessions with his loving attunement.
Through grounding exercises--deep breathing, connecting with nature, and literally feeling my feet on the ground, I learned to regulate these physiological responses arising from tensions that caused sympathetic arousal.
He helped me to practice staying present in conversations rather than projecting past hurts. When triggered, I notice the physical sensations arising and use them as signals to pause rather than react. This simple shift transformed my relationships.
My psychologist also suggested partnered exercises where my significant other and I practice mindful communication while staying attuned to our physical experiences.
The integration of mindfulness and somatic awareness also helped me develop a compassionate relationship with my own body and emotions, recognizing that my reactions aren't character flaws but learned protective responses.
Today, my relationships are characterized by presence, curiosity, and embodied awareness instead of projection, blaming, and avoidance.
Jessica RabonLicensed Clinical PsychologistI first sought therapy in high school at age 15 for depression after my best friend reached out to my parents with concern. However, over the years I have sought out therapy for various other reasons at different stages in my life. Finding the right therapist can absolutely be a challenge. As I have seen many therapists throughout my life, some of whom I did not click with, others with whom I had great rapport, I have found that thinking about the qualities I want in a therapist - approach, gender, age, specialization - has helped me find therapists that are a better match for my personality and needs. I also think taking advantage of consultation calls, if offered, helps with finding a good fit. Throughout all my years in therapy, I believe learning about duality and being challenged by being presented with alternative perspectives has helped me the most. Therapy has significantly helped my mental health overall, as I have learned skills to help manage my depression and anxiety, as well as non-clinical situations such as life transitions. As a psychologist myself, being in my own therapy has also helped me better serve my own clients and be more present for them. If someone is considering therapy but hasn't taken the first step, I would validate that it can be scary and awkward at first and may take a few therapists to find the right fit; however, when you do, it is absolutely worth it.
Rachel ThomasianDirector · Playa Vista CounselingA few years ago, I sought help from a psychologist because I noticed my relationships were often strained, especially with close friends and family. I tended to shut down during conflicts, avoiding conversations instead of addressing the issues. This left misunderstandings unresolved and created emotional distance. I knew I needed to change, but I didn't know how to break the cycle.
During one session, the psychologist encouraged me to reflect on how I was showing up in these moments of tension. She helped me realize that my silence often came across as indifference, even though I was just trying to avoid saying the wrong thing.
With her guidance, I learned about active listening and the importance of expressing my feelings, even if I didn't have all the answers right away. She suggested small steps, like starting a conversation with "I feel" instead of shutting down.
One meaningful shift happened with a close friend. I practiced what the psychologist taught me, and instead of avoiding a tough conversation, I opened up. To my surprise, it deepened our bond. That experience showed me how small changes in communication could transform relationships.
Dana Hall, LCPCClinical Psychotherapist · Lifeline BHOne of the most valuable lessons I learned from a mentor in the field of psychology was this: Other people's emotions are not my responsibility. I only wish I had been told this sooner.
For years, I carried the weight of others' feelings--whether it was a partner, a client, or even a friend--believing it was my job to manage or fix them. But this insight completely reframed my perspective. It didn't mean I was absolved of responsibility in my relationships; rather, it reminded me to be mindful of where I actually had power.
Everyone is entitled to their own inner world, and their emotions--whether big or small--are theirs to experience. My role is not to control or regulate how someone else feels, but to be present, supportive, and accountable for my own actions. This shift not only strengthened my personal and professional relationships but also allowed me to show up with more authenticity and emotional balance.
Joanne KingPsychotherapist · Joanne King CounselingOne piece of mental health advice that has significantly impacted my life is the practice of mindfulness. I first encountered it during a particularly stressful period when I felt overwhelmed and disconnected. Mindfulness taught me the power of grounding myself in the present moment, helping me center my thoughts and reduce the constant anxiety and mental chatter from worrying about the past or future. This practice has allowed me to be more accepting of whatever comes my way, embracing both the good and the challenging with a sense of calm and clarity. It's been a transformative journey that continues influencing how I navigate life's ups and downs.
Shawna AkermanRegistered Psychotherapist · Karma Cares CommunityI will answer from a place of generality. Any therapeutic intervention in relationships can support the change needed to identify emotions, validate feelings, see the other perspective and learn to put another response in place to find a different outcome. Therapy from any professional works with you to understand your pattern of attachment and emotional dysregulation when your nervous system is not feeling safe. We are a product of the collective pieces of our life that settle in our subconscious and guide our responses within 6 seconds. Imagine you have 6 seconds to make a better decision that will lead your relationship in a positive direction instead of staying in the spin cycle of negativity.
The important aspect of therapy is the ability to commit to looking at your own strengths and needs and learn how to create a safe place for your own thoughts and then leave to integrate those new skills with the person you are interacting with.
I have personally been in couples therapy with new relationships to avoid building the negative spin cycle. As a lifelong client and as a psychotherapist I have learned how to look at my own behaviors and understand the impact it has on my relationships. I use a therapist to put those feelings on the table as we build and discuss the skills we need to share to stay in a healthy conversation when conflict and emotions are not regulated or are being used from a place of pain and fear from the past. My biggest learning in the 30 years of exploring relationship dynamics is that I know being self-aware and proactive are keys to success.
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