3 Questions You’Ll Be Glad You Asked Your Psychologist

As a psychologist myself, it can be taboo to discuss my own personal therapy that I have attended. However, I believe all therapists should have their own support, particularly those of us doing clinical work with our own clients! It helps us work through our own emotions, reactions, and experiences to avoid them impacting our therapeutic work and relationships.

While attending my own therapy, I was seeing a provider well-versed in providing therapy utilizing IFS and EMDR. We had discussed utilizing both, despite my uncertainty if EMDR would be helpful for me. Once we began, I had a strong preference for IFS (Internal Family Systems) and found EMDR to be clunky and just not for me. So, the question I asked was if she would be willing to adjust treatment to only utilize IFS. As a therapist myself, I know it is okay to ask for such changes, but it felt quite uncomfortable! However, she responded extremely well, and we moved forward well together, so I was grateful and appreciative that I was able to ask for a change!

If you are attending therapy and need to give your therapist feedback, please do so! We are trained to receive and respond to feedback well, so the odds of it going well are pretty strong!

The Question That Humanizes the Therapeutic Process

One of the most powerful questions a patient can ask, though it often feels uncomfortable, is: "Have you personally been in therapy?"

Initially, patients hesitate to ask this. There's a fear of overstepping a professional boundary or that the question is too personal. Many feel the focus should remain solely on them. They worry it might seem like they are questioning my expertise or trying to reverse our roles. It can feel like a challenge to the established dynamic of the therapeutic relationship.

However, I am always glad when a patient feels comfortable enough to ask. My answer is yes, I have been in therapy, and I believe it has made me a more effective and empathetic psychiatrist. Sharing this humanizes the process and helps demystify what we do. It shows that seeking help is a sign of strength and self-awareness, not weakness, and that even professionals benefit from introspection and support.

Knowing that their psychiatrist has experience on "the other side of the couch" can be incredibly reassuring for a patient. It validates their own vulnerability and reinforces that therapy is a collaborative journey, not just a clinical transaction. This shared understanding can significantly deepen trust and encourage a more open dialogue, which is the foundation of any successful treatment. It transforms the relationship into a partnership.

The one question I hesitated to ask a psychologist—but I'm glad I did—was this:

"What happens if I can't fix myself while trying to fix others?"

At first, I thought asking that would expose weakness, especially as someone running an addiction recovery center. I'm the person who's supposed to hold it together. But carrying that weight without asking tough questions? That's what breaks people—not heals them.

When I finally asked it, the psychologist didn't flinch. Instead, they hit me with something that's stuck with me ever since: "You're not supposed to fix yourself before helping others. You grow alongside them. That's where the power is."

That conversation changed how I lead, how I coach, how I show up.

In this field—where we deal with trauma, relapse, broken families, and the hard truth of recovery—it's easy to think we need to be perfect before we're credible. That's a lie. What clients need is someone real. Someone who admits they're still doing the work too. Someone who isn't afraid to say, "I've asked the hard questions too."

Since then, I've encouraged my team to lean into that same honesty. We're not above the work—we're walking it just like our clients. And there's strength in that transparency.

So if you've got a hard question in your gut, ask it. Because pretending you're above the struggle? That's not leadership. That's performance. And this work deserves better.