7 Lessons from Therapy to Give Your Younger Self
Psychologist Brief
7 Lessons from Therapy to Give Your Younger Self
Unlock the wisdom of seasoned therapists as this article delves into practical lessons for nurturing a healthier relationship with oneself. Discover strategies from professionals that pave the way for authentic connections, personal growth, and a balanced life. These expert insights offer a guiding light for anyone looking to reflect on their journey and embrace a brighter future.
- Embrace Self-Compassion and Rest
- Set Boundaries for Authentic Relationships
- Your Responsibility Ends at Your Actions
- Seek Help: Strength in Vulnerability
- Your Future Isn't Defined by Past Mistakes
- Trust the Process: Patience Yields Growth
- Balance Work with Self-Care to Prevent Burnout
Embrace Self-Compassion and Rest
As a therapist practicing for over 20 years, one of the greatest lessons I've learned -- both professionally and personally -- is the importance of self-compassion and rest.
If I could go back and give my younger self one piece of advice, it would be: You don't have to earn rest. You are worthy of care, even when you're not achieving or doing for others.
In my late teens and twenties, I pushed myself relentlessly -- always striving, always giving, rarely pausing. I thought that if I just worked harder, I could quiet my inner struggles and prove my worth. But over time, and through sitting with countless clients navigating their own inner battles, I realized that healing and growth require gentleness, not just grit.
This advice is so important because many of us -- especially those drawn to helping professions -- tend to be compassionate with everyone but ourselves. We forget that we are also human, deserving of the same kindness we so freely offer to others. Learning to rest, to listen to my body, and to treat myself with the compassion I extend to clients has not only transformed my personal well-being but has made me a more present, empathetic, and grounded therapist.
If I could tell my younger self anything, it would be this: Pause. Breathe. You are enough, even in the quiet moments when you're doing nothing at all.
Set Boundaries for Authentic Relationships
If I could go back in time, I would tell my younger self: *You are not responsible for other people's emotions, and setting boundaries doesn't make you selfish.* Too often, I prioritized keeping the peace over my own well-being, fearing that saying no or expressing my needs would disappoint others. In therapy, I learned that healthy relationships require boundaries, and true connection isn't built on self-sacrifice but on mutual respect and understanding.
This advice is so important because it fundamentally shifts how we engage with the world. Without boundaries, we risk burnout, resentment, and losing our sense of self in the process of pleasing others. Learning to honor my own needs has led to deeper, more authentic relationships and a stronger sense of self-worth. It's not about shutting people out--it's about showing up in a way that is sustainable and true to who I am.
Your Responsibility Ends at Your Actions
If I could go back and tell my younger self one thing, it would be this: Other people's emotions are not your responsibility. I wish I had learned this sooner.
For years, I carried the weight of others' feelings, whether it was a partner, a client, or a friend, believing it was my job to manage, fix, or prevent their discomfort. I thought that if someone was upset, I had failed in some way. But therapy taught me a powerful truth: everyone is entitled to their own inner world. Their emotions--big or small--belong to them, not me. My role is not to control or absorb their feelings but to be present, supportive, and accountable for my own actions.
I believe this lesson is so important that I make sure to share it with even my youngest clients. Now, I understand just how overwhelming big adult emotions can feel to a child and how easily they can internalize what isn't theirs to carry. When kids witness the stress, sadness, or anger of the adults around them, they often believe they are the cause, or that it's their job to make it better. But they are not responsible for fixing grown-up emotions any more than I was responsible for the feelings of those around me.
This shift in perspective has been life-changing. It has allowed me to set boundaries without guilt, to show up more authentically, and to engage with others in a way that feels balanced rather than burdensome. Letting go of the need to "fix" has given me the freedom to truly listen, to hold space without absorbing, and to trust that others, children and adults alike--are capable of navigating their own emotional worlds.
Seek Help: Strength in Vulnerability
If I could go back in time, I'd tell my younger self one simple yet life-changing thing: you don't have to fix everything by yourself. I spent so many years burdened by the idea that I had to have all the answers, especially during moments of chaos. Therapy taught me that asking for help doesn't make you weak--it makes you wise. Looking back, I wish I had understood this earlier.
I remember struggling in my twenties, trying to balance work, relationships, and personal growth, convinced that showing vulnerability meant failure. One moment that sticks with me is when I avoided asking for support during a hard breakup. I thought I could tough it out, but bottling it up only made things harder. Therapy showed me how reaching out--whether to friends or professionals--could've lightened that load.
This advice is so important because life inevitably throws challenges at you, and going through them alone only amplifies the weight. Learning to lean on others would've saved me so much time and heartache.
Your Future Isn't Defined by Past Mistakes
If I could go back in time to share lessons I've learned in therapy, I'd tell my younger self that my past doesn't define my future. I used to carry a lot of guilt over past mistakes and let them shape how I saw myself. Therapy helped me realize that just because I've struggled or made choices I wasn't proud of doesn't mean I'm stuck in that version of myself. Growth is always possible, and who I choose to become matters more than where I've been.
The biggest lesson is that your story is still being written. I used to think my past failures meant I wasn't capable of change, but that was just a narrative I told myself. Therapy helped me see that every day is an opportunity to take a new step forward. You don't have to be the same person you were last year, or even yesterday.
My best tip is to focus on small, consistent actions that align with the future you want. Change doesn't happen overnight, but every choice you make moves you closer to the person you're becoming. Let go of the weight of the past and give yourself permission to move forward.
Trust the Process: Patience Yields Growth
If I could go back in time, I'd tell my younger self to trust the process and be patient with both personal and professional growth. Early in my career, I was eager to make an impact quickly, often pushing myself to achieve big milestones without fully appreciating the importance of small, consistent progress. Over the years, I've learned that true success in physical therapy and in life, comes from a steady, thoughtful approach. Whether it's guiding a patient through a long rehabilitation journey or building The Alignment Studio into what it is today, the best outcomes come from persistence, adaptability, and a commitment to lifelong learning. This advice is crucial because real change, whether in health or business, doesn't happen overnight. It requires trust in the process, especially when results aren't immediate. My experience treating elite athletes reinforced this--rehabilitation isn't just about physical recovery; it's about mental resilience and sticking with the plan, even when progress feels slow.
One example that stands out is a patient I treated who was recovering from a serious ACL injury. They were frustrated by the slow progress and wanted to rush back into sports, but I knew from experience that skipping steps could lead to re-injury. With my background in musculoskeletal rehabilitation and years of working with athletes, I guided them through a structured recovery plan, emphasizing patience and consistency. We worked together over months, gradually rebuilding strength and confidence. In the end, not only did they return to playing at their pre-injury level, but they also developed a deeper understanding of their body and how to prevent future injuries. This reinforced my belief that patience and trusting the process lead to the best long-term results.
Balance Work with Self-Care to Prevent Burnout
I would advise my younger self to recognize the importance of setting clear boundaries and taking regular breaks. I'd encourage prioritizing well-being by emphasizing the value of self-care routines and the need to balance work with relaxation and hobbies. Understanding that it's okay to step back and recharge can prevent burnout and lead to more sustainable, long-term productivity and satisfaction.
