5 Lessons on Forgiveness and Healing From Therapy
Forgiveness isn't just about letting go—it's a practice that can transform both mental and physical well-being. This article breaks down five essential lessons drawn from therapeutic approaches, offering practical guidance on releasing resentment, calming the body, and rebuilding trust. These insights come directly from experts in the field who understand the real work required for healing.
Choose Release Over Resentment
One of the most meaningful lessons I learned from a psychologist about forgiveness was that forgiveness is really an act of emotional release, not approval. They explained that when we forgive—whether it's ourselves or someone else—we're not rewriting the past, minimizing the harm, or pretending everything is fine. Instead, we're reducing the ongoing emotional load that unresolved anger, shame, or guilt places on our nervous system. The psychologist compared it to carrying a heavy backpack long after a journey has ended; the weight doesn't serve a purpose anymore, but we don't realize how much it slows us down until we finally set it down.
This idea changed the way I think about both self-forgiveness and forgiving others. I used to believe forgiveness required reconciliation or offering someone another chance. I also believed that forgiving myself meant I was being "too soft" or avoiding accountability. But the psychologist emphasized that forgiveness is actually a boundary—it helps you stop letting a past hurt dictate your present mood, decisions, or self-worth. It's a shift inside you, not between you and the other person. When it comes to self-forgiveness, they described it as acknowledging the mistake, accepting the lesson, and refusing to keep punishing yourself for something you've already grown beyond.
In my own life, adopting this understanding has brought a sense of lightness I didn't expect. I began noticing how much mental energy I spent replaying old conversations, regretting choices, or holding grudges I thought were protecting me. When I started applying the psychologist's perspective, I realized that letting go didn't mean forgetting—it meant freeing myself from emotional patterns that kept me stuck. Now, when I feel weighed down by resentment or self-blame, I ask myself a simple question they taught me: "Is this emotion helping me grow, or is it only keeping me trapped?" That question often creates just enough space for me to soften, breathe, and release the tension.
This understanding hasn't made forgiveness easy, but it has made it healthier and more grounded. It taught me that forgiveness is not about the other person; it's about choosing peace over emotional clutter, and allowing myself to move forward with clarity and compassion.
Honor The Body And Calm Inflammation
I used to treat my chronic skin issues like a personal failure. A psychologist once pointed out that I was essentially holding a grudge against my own biology, viewing every breakout as a betrayal rather than a signal. She explained that you cannot effectively heal a body you hate. Forgiveness is a physiological necessity because the shame I felt was spiking my cortisol, which only drove more inflammation.
That conversation changed how I built Era Organics. I moved away from trying to punish my skin into submission with harsh 'anti-acne' chemicals. Instead, I focused on ingredients that supported its natural barrier.
It also changed how I handle business stress. Now, when a product launch stalls or an ad account gets flagged, I don't spiral into self-blame. I view it the same way I view a flare-up. It's just feedback that the system needs support, not a reason to attack myself.
Protect Energy And Move Forward
The one big thing I ever learned about forgiveness—and this stuck with me—is that it is entirely selfish. I mean that in the best way. Forgiving someone else, or letting yourself off the hook for a mistake, isn't actually for them. It's an act of emotional self-preservation. A psychologist taught me that holding onto that anger or self-blame is just like keeping a poison in your own system, hoping the other person gets sick. You only hurt yourself.
This understanding is essential for running Co-Wear LLC. You're going to fail. You're going to make bad sourcing decisions, or hire the wrong person, or launch a product that bombs. If I held onto the failure of the last quarter, I couldn't possibly focus on what we need to do this quarter.
My business is built on forward motion. So, when a mistake happens, I let myself feel the disappointment for about five minutes, then I immediately forgive the action and pivot to the solution. I don't waste energy on self-punishment or holding grudges against a vendor who let us down. I take the learning, cut the toxic link, and use that freed-up mental space to grow the business. It's all about purposeful energy.
Anchor In Steadiness To Build Trust
One lesson that stayed with me from a psychologist is that forgiveness is not approval and it is not forgetting. It is a decision to stop letting the past dictate your nervous system in the present. That idea changed how I handle mistakes, especially my own. In work tied to Santa Cruz Properties, decisions carry weight. People are trusting you with savings, timelines, and hopes for stability. When something does not go perfectly, self blame can quietly erode judgment. Learning to forgive myself faster made me more careful, not careless. It allowed me to correct issues clearly instead of defending them emotionally.
That same understanding reshaped how I deal with others. Buyers sometimes arrive guarded, frustrated, or carrying past financial wounds. Forgiveness, in this context, looks like patience and clarity rather than suspicion. It means not taking hesitation personally and not rushing people through fear. At Santa Cruz Properties, that mindset influences everything from how contracts are explained to how long conversations are allowed to last. Forgiveness creates steadiness. Steadiness builds trust. Over time, that trust becomes the foundation for families stepping into ownership without carrying old shame forward.
Loosen The Grip And Restore Wholeness
At HealthRising the most meaningful insight about forgiveness has come from psychologists who frame it not as a moral milestone but as a nervous system shift. One clinician explained that forgiveness begins when the body no longer braces every time a memory surfaces. It is less about excusing what happened and more about loosening the grip that old tension holds on your sleep, appetite or focus. A patient once shared how she carried guilt for years after a medical decision she wished she had handled differently. Her psychologist walked her through something simple. She wrote down the version of herself who made that choice, including the limits she faced at the time. Seeing it on paper softened the harshness she had directed inward. The understanding changed her life in a quiet way. Her chest no longer tightened when the memory came back, and she found herself more patient in other areas because she was no longer punishing herself for a moment shaped by fear and incomplete information. Forgiveness, in this sense, becomes an act of releasing the body from constant vigilance. It restores steadiness, which is often the first step toward feeling whole again.
